Mullis: Choosing how to grow old

Altrusa of Battle Creek invited me to speak at one of their meetings. I knew little about Altrusa outside of it being an international service organization. It was raining buckets the night of the speech. My thoughts were foggy and I was hungry.

Fortunately, dinner was part of the deal.

We met at NorthPointe Woods, a senior living community. I was the youngest in the room, but for another woman at my table, who worked at NorthPointe and was going to be inducted that night. She was recently married. The woman beside me, a cheerful lady in her 90s, had been her wedding photographer.

The photographer showed me an engraved frame the bride gave her as a thank-you. A photo of the happy couple was inside.

“I took that picture.”

It was a good photo. Nice smiles, nice composition, nice lighting. I gave her my compliments. She laid the frame flat on the table and put a dollar on top of it. Next, she picked up a beautiful red camera.

“It can focus itself.”

This was important as she recently had surgery on both her eyes. She told me the wedding would be her last. She was retiring. Seeing her walker, I was impressed.

Photographing a wedding is a demanding job.

She told me the dollar was a “happy dollar.” Later, I would learn that a “happy dollar” is one you donate to charity for something that makes you happy. She was happy about receiving such a nice thank you gift.

Another lady stood up, holding a dollar. She was happy her last chemo treatment was coming up and happy for all the people in the room who supported her fight. Several more paid a dollar to be happy with her. The gratitude rolled, interrupted only by raffle prizes being announced.

The food was delicious and the coffee was good. I felt myself warming up inside and out. Table talk turned to places the group had visited, projects they had undertaken, and art they were making.

A tall gentleman in a chef’s jacket popped in to say hello to the group. He had prepared the meal. He had also helped on a recent art project where residents wrapped him in packaging tape to create a cast, which they removed and reassembled, intending to fill the form with miniature lights. The bride showed me photos of their progress on Facebook. It was delightful to see.

Everyone was kind during my talk, quick to laugh and very focused. After I was done, they moved on to induct the new member, giving her a blue flower and a Michigan-shaped emblem, pinned with the society’s pin. The retired photographer took several photos, doing what not-retired photographers do – angling the group for the best possible light, checking that arms and elbows aren’t in awkward places, and shaking her head over closed eyes.

Meanwhile, conversation buzzed, mostly with requests and promises – helpful people helping each other. Their altruism spilled over onto me, with offers to carry my things to the parking lot or wait with them while I retrieved my car.

Sometimes I worry about what will happen to me when I’m old. Will pain defeat me? Will I be lonely? Will I become bitter? The truth is the decisions I’ve made, am making, and will make will determine if I am a happy old lady or a grumpy old biddy.

Creative people tend to stay creative. Helpful people tend to stay helpful. Grateful people tend to stay grateful.

Growing old isn’t a choice, but how you grow old is.

Nicole L.V. Mullis will sign copies of “A Teacher Named Faith” at Battle Creek Books on Oct. 20 during Fall into the Arts. See www.NicoleLVMullis.com for details.