COLUMNISTS

Mullis: Quick nap or cold coffee? Either way, my brain’s not OK.

Nicole L.V. Mullis
For the Enquirer

I was listening to National Public Radio while working one afternoon. The show was Fresh Air and host Terry Gross was interviewing sleep scientist Matthew Walker, author of the book “Why We Sleep.” His research shows humans need to sleep an average of eight hours a night to be creative, efficient, happy and healthy.

I snorted into my coffee.

I can’t remember the last time I had eight hours of sleep, much less had it enough nights in a row to consider it my “average.” Sleep is the easiest thing to sacrifice for children, work, even the dog. And I’m fairly creative, mostly efficient, usually happy, and healthy…enough.

Walker talked about how our bed should be a sacred sleeping space – no reading, no TV, no screens. Before we enter our sacred space, we should meditate or wind down with a book in a low lit room. Going to sleep isn’t like flicking a light; it’s like landing an airplane.

I stifled a laugh.

I often listen to ballgames while editing documents with the lights on in my sacred sleeping space. I fall asleep just fine during said games and over said editing and under said lights thank you very much.

As if he could hear me, Walker explained that although I may be asleep, that is just surface sleeping. What my body needs is the deep REM sleep and to get that sleep, the room should not only be dark and boring, it should be cold.I don’t think so.

No one wants to be cold in bed. That’s why we have crocheted blankets and goose-down quilts and flannel jammies.

Walker continued, saying we should refrain from caffeine in the afternoon and alcohol in the evening. Both prevent deep REM sleep.

OK, now this is getting personal.

The nightcap I can live without but not my after-dinner coffee. Besides, other smarty-pants scientists say coffee wards off dementia. REM sleep can’t be bringing that much to the table.

Apparently, it is.

Walker said our body is tidying up the brain during REM sleep. It tosses out the frivolous, organizes the disorganized, and scrubs the gunk from our brains. This gunk tends to build up in our brain’s REM sleep center, making it even harder to sleep. This gunk also plagues the brains of people living with Alzheimer's. In fact, Walker is researching the connection between constant sleep-deprivation and Alzheimer’s.

I stopped smirking.

The bad news kept coming. Walker said making up sleep on the weekend doesn’t count. Our brain isn’t a bank where we can deposit sleep and withdraw at will. We need eight hours, every 24 hours. Naps within a 24-hour period can help, but only if we take them before three.

What adult naps before three on a weekday?

Forget naps. I’ll adjust. Let’s see, the dog wants breakfast at the unforgivable hour of 5:30 a.m., so all I need to do is start landing my sleep airplane at 9 p.m. and be in my cold, dark bedroom by…9:30 p.m.? Most nights of the week I’m not home at 9:30 p.m. much less meditating in a screen-free room.

I’m going to die young, wide awake.

I turned off NPR. It was almost 3:00 p.m. – the daily sleep deadline. I was 3.5 hours in sleep-debt to my brain, I had several assignments, a half-cup of coffee, and an editor calling late to work on a project.

Do I take a quick nap or finish my cold coffee?

I took the coffee, promising my brain more sleep tomorrow.

Nicole L.V. Mullis is the author of “A Teacher Named Faith.” You can reach her at nlvm.columns@gmail.com or www.NicoleLVMullis.com.